my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How does it feel to date your dad?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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