I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
