Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
