So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
