I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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