I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize