Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
