If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
