She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
