She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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