he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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