My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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