Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
