I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
