I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
