In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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