I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
