Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
