I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
