Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
