I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
