I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
