Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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