maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
