I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
