I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I look better un-naked...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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