Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
