some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
