We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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