I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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