You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
