I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
