i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
