You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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