I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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