Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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