He had one of those small greek statue penises
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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