I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
