Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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