OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
