she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
