How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
