His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
