Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
