do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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