The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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