Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She needs sedatives and a leash
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
