Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What drink are we having for lunch?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize