YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
