I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
