She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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