Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
