I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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