It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
