So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
