Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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