I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
