FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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