So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How's work?
Spinning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
