I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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