Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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