like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize