Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
