so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
