Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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