:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I lost the right to judge tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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